Stress Management and Mastery: The Value of Vitamin NO

What part of no don't you understand? - Bumper sticker

The child that never hears no will have a hard time saying no. - Della Reese in "Touched by an Angel"

Bumper Sticker Quotes

Have you ever noticed how some of the most powerful things in life are also the most simple?

So it is with the simply powerful word ``NO.''

I've come to believe that one of the keys to success is the ability to say no when no is the best thing to say.

Let's take a look at when to say no, and then more importantly, how to say NO effectively.

When to say no

To others - Although it may be unintentional, people's opinions can be potential dream stealers. If you have a dream and are convinced of its value in your life, ignore those that say you cannot do it. Pursue your dream, because that's where passion and life can be found.

To temptation - Have you ever noticed how temptation doesn't hang around long when you firmly say no? Temptation needs an invitation to stay around.

To yourself - Everyone I have ever known, including myself, is excellent at the mind-bending trick called rationalization. We can twist our thoughts around so much that we convince ourselves of just about anything. But check out the word ``rationalize.'' In this case what it really means is to convince yourself of rational lies.

To the culture - Mary Pipher, author of "The Shelter of Each Other, Rebuilding Our Families" says:

"If we fail as a family to fight the culture in our society, we end up fat, addicted and broke with a house full of junk we don't need."

Decide how you want you and yours to be, and resist cultural pressure.

To stress and reactivity - Here's a riddle for you: What do a TV, a human being and a VCR have in common? Answer: All three have a pause button. But I'm convinced we use ours less than TVs and VCRs.

Instead of reacting to the stress in your life, hit the pause button long enough to consider how you would like to respond instead of react.

To our children - Della Reese said it best in the quote above: The child who never hears no will not be able to say no. Furthermore, children who never hear no won't understand or respect no when they are adults, which can lead to all sorts of difficulties.

How to say no

Here's a few tips on learning the how of saying no:

Give yourself permission to say no. You are a big person now and have the right to say no. (You always had it anyway.)

Decide you are gong to say no, and then as my dad always said, ``Stick to your guns.''

Say it! It really can be that simple.

If people have a difficult time hearing or accepting your no, remember that is their problem, not yours. Use the old broken-record technique: "I understand what you are saying, and the answer is still no." Repeat as much as necessary.

Practice saying no to work out your no muscles.

Pay attention to how the world doesn't end, and how all your friends and family don't disown you for saying no.

When you are able to say no - when no is the best thing to say - you'll find your world less cluttered and your life less chaotic.

Just one more thought:

It's only when you can say NO that your YES has any real value.

Stress Management and Mastery: The Value of Vitamin NO

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Divine Answers

Have you ever been at a point where you felt you were on the brink of something wonderful and just needed to know the next step to take? Have you ever wanted to accomplish something, but did not know how to get started? Have you ever felt like a breakthrough was eminent if you could only connect the dots? Have you needed guidance on your best options, but didn't know who to turn to for advice? I had the same experience and found out two things: that God sometimes answers prayer through email and to pay attention to what I feel inspired to do after I pray for guidance.

I constantly strive to keep my thoughts, feelings, and actions in alignment with my heart's desire. Sometimes it is hard work to keep them all in harmony. It creates a flow in my life and makes it easier to fulfill my purpose. Not long ago I turned my attention to a goal I wanted to achieve. One of my favorite ways of receiving help is to write a prayer to God on the computer asking for the guidance and inspiration that I need. Normally the prayers are long and I pour my whole heart out on paper, but on this particular day, my prayer was simple and straightforward. I asked him to direct my path and give me the insight and wisdom that I needed. I then proceeded to move forward with my day.

Bumper Sticker Quotes

I felt inspired to start my day by clearing out the 600 emails that were stored on my computer. I would only work on this for 15 minutes. This is normally a difficult task because I love to go back through them and read all of the inspirational emails that I've held onto because they move me and nourish my soul. After scanning through several of them, about 13 spoke directly to what I had just prayed about. I really got inspired and checked my new emails and I opened one from One Day Decorating.

What I prayed about didn't have anything to do with decorating, but the email had a quote that I loved. I emailed the author to tell her how timely it was because of my prayer and the goal I was working on. She emailed me back and graciously sent me her phone number and offered to share her experiences with me. We had a wonderful 45 minute conversation (free of charge) and she gave me several options to birth my project. I felt like I was walking on water. The next email I opened was from a women's group requesting that I speak at their next women's meeting. This nudged me to jot down how many other women's groups I could share my pilot program with. Another email contained a discount coupon for printing and I immediately placed my order for the print materials, feeling like this step would breathe life into my goal.

This flurry of activity happened over about a two hour time span. I wrote a prayer asking for help and then I got into action. That action was the gateway that produced the answers I had just prayed about. The free consult came as a result of me expressing gratitude to someone whose words had also been a part of the answer I needed. I made a quantum leap that morning towards achieving my goal because I was in alignment, I asked for help and then I took action. My divine answers came through heeding my inner guidance to clean out my inbox.

Be open to how you receive the answers that you need for your life. God used several emails to get me the help I needed. He has been known to speak through burning bushes and donkeys, but the answer you need today may not come in the dramatic way you may be expecting. It may just be on a billboard you drive by everyday. It could be on the bumper sticker of the car in front of you when you're stuck in traffic and you're frustrated even though the reason you are not moving is because you have to acknowledge the answer first. It might be the lyrics of a song on the radio. It could be on the page of a book you have been meaning to read or in the innocent conversation of a child. Expect your answers to come right when you need them. As you take action, and watch them show up before your very eyes and maybe even in your inbox.

Divine Answers

~Sharmaine L. Hobbs

Sharmaine Hobbs is a writer and speaker and Founder of The Metamorphosis Movement which is a transformational movement reaching 100,000 women in 2008 to inspire, uplift and empower them to become the woman they were born to be. She reaches women through her speaking engagements, inspirational writings, womens workshops, teleclasses, mentoring program and her website. "When Women Awaken, Mountains Move!" To have her speak at your event or to awaken and transform your life, visit online at http://www.whenwomenawaken.com and email her at sharmaine@comcast.net.